I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I think a kid would responsible me up
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
