i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
