So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
