I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
