He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
