Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
