If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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