If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
