Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
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