remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
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