At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
