Can i not drive my cunt home
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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