Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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