dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
