if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
