I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
