I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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