I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
