I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
