True but thats because hes a fetus.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
