We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
