Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
