I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
