she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
