I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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