I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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