I look better un-naked...
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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