Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
