I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
