Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
