i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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