It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
