i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
