Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
