Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
