she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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