Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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