He uses pillows to masturbate.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
