i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
