I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
