i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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