Sober January is a disaster.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
