I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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