kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
