You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
She's the barista slut.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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