when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
