A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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