You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
God I need to hump something, right now.
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