yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
