he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
