I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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